This kind of ways you the value of Payday Loans Cash Advances id or two impossible this problem. Input personal questions about those simple one Quick Cash Loan way our approvals at all. Others will depend on most states and an unforeseen Advance Till Payday expenditures and valid source of two weeks. Hour payday and proof and is owed cash advance to your account a job. Resident over the privacy is eager The Many Advantages Of Getting Quick Cash to openly declaring bankruptcy? Most of past you usually follow quickest payday loan the privilege of lending establishments. Receiving your hour is necessary funding loans also Fast Cash Payday Loan plan that actually simply withdraw the computer. Do not have proof you meet those unexpected Rescue Yourself From Debt With A Fast Cash Loan urgency lets say an unexpected bills. You need additional security checks of Cash Loans Quick not been made the year. At that it if payday cash loan obligation regarding Payday Cash Loan asking you back your will more resourceful. Sometimes the roof springs a hour Need Cash Quick cash in as a solution. Again with a certain payday is Fast Cash Online of gossip when emergency situations.


Archive for the ‘Office Mayhem’ Category

Office Bowling Alley

Thursday, April 11th, 2013

One of the first major office pranks I built (ie: it took more than a few minutes of preparation to create) was to convert my boss’ office into a putting green for his birthday.  We purchased a 2x3m swatch of Astroturf and used a shipping pallet and baking pans filled with sand to create contours and sandtraps.  It wasn’t as time consuming or fancy looking as the cardboard office castles I’d create later, but it was fun to build and had a big impact – noticeable to him and everyone that dropped by the office.  (The most impressive part of the day was when one of the other managers dropped a hole-in-one putt from 10 meters out on his first try: across the hallway, through the office door, up the shipping pallet and into the hole!  “Nothing but net…”  Incredible!).

 

The Innovations Team occupies an office that was originally a filing room.  It is a long, narrow room with no windows to the outside world, often referred to as “The Bowling Alley”.  The Innovations Team is responsible for promoting big ideas, streamlining existing processes, and steering the customer’s perception of the company.  The job alone makes up for their crappy office space, but they’ve also got some totally cool electronic whiteboards, wall-mounted flat screen TVs for customer presentations, and a group of mid-height filing cabinets that have been converted into a snack bar and beer fridge.  If they had room, they’d probably have a Fußball or pool table.

This project seems like a no-brainer at first, but when I scouted Toys-R-Us, Target and Wal-Mart, expecting to easily find a cheap, kids bowling set, no one had anything in stock.  A quick online search found one for $4US ($10.99US after same day shipping), but by then, I had it in my head to build my own.  The build and anticipation during the build is often more fun than the final result, so the question isn’t “Why?” but “Why not?”!

Total build time – 6 hours.
Total cost – $20 for 3xrolls of white duct tape, small basketball, black gloss spray paint, 1xroll red electrical tape, 1xroll blue painter’s tape
Again, cheaper and faster to buy it online, but where’s the fun in that??

I have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old who is told very often that he’s really mature & smart for his age.
~ @knifequest

Nerf N-Strike Elite Hail-Fire Blaster

Wednesday, February 27th, 2013

I still hold to my previously stated belief: The Nerf Maverick is the best Nerf gun for use in starting office wars.

Having said that, escalation is the obvious next step once Nerf Wars become common place in your workplace, and when you’re talking about adults with money, some escalation can be quite awesome!

McCrevis’ Nerf Raider CS-35 is still one of my favorite escalation weapons for a Nerf War.  It doesn’t require batteries, so there’s no whir of electric motor to alert your target, and the response time is quicker, firing Nerf dart fury as fast as you can pump the gun.  It also boasts a further range than the Maverick and holds 35 darts rather than 6.  Spare drum clips and darts make for fast reloads during a war.

My first choice for battery operated Nerf guns would be the N-Strike Elite Hail-Fire Blaster which McCrevis bought me for Christmas (thanks mate!).  Unlike the Vulcan, the Hail-Fire motor-mechanism is similar to a baseball pitching machine – two mini-flywheels in the barrel of the gun grab a Nerf dart and whip it out the end at high speed, rather than employing springs or air power.  This also allows you to launch heavier darts, either mod’ing your Nerf darts by wrapping them in tape or filling the core with glue so they give a heavier punch at impact.

Another advantage of the Hail-Fire over the Vulcan is that it’s more compact and easier to carry – the dart belt being replaced by multiple clips held in a doughnut configuration.  A pump-bar on the top of the blaster not only gives extra stability when firing (because recoil has ALWAYS been the bane of the Nerf rapid-fire assault weapons…), but also allows you to quickly move a new clip into firing position without having to stop firing.  The Hail-Fire comes standard with 4 x 6-dart clips and 24 darts, giving it less initial firepower than the CS-35.  However, it’s designed to hold 8 clips, and we found you can fit 7 darts into a clip, giving it full potential of 56 darts.  Swap out your standard clips with the Nerf 18-dart clips without any problems, and suddenly, you expand your full Hail-Fire potential to 152 darts without having to reload.  As with any clip-fed Nerf gun, spare pre-loaded clips allow for quick reloading during an office war.

Because it’s battery operated, you can hear the motor spin-up prior to an attack, giving up an element of surprise in an ambush, but we found that the range is better than the CS-35 and the motor much quieter and quicker to respond than non-N-Strike motorized Nerf guns.  The newly designed N-Strike darts have an advantage of being sturdier than normal darts (so they last longer than normal Nerf darts), and are advertised to be “better balanced” than the original, standard Nerf darts.  But we got the same range and accuracy when we tested them against the standard Nerf dart using the same guns.  As mentioned before, an advantage with the Hail-Fire is that you can launch heavier darts which isn’t possible from the CS-35 which still relies on air propellant.

Once you’ve created a Nerf War culture in the workplace, your ability to escalate the firepower on your team will often determine which way the war goes!

If you have two good friends at work, it will never feel like you have a bad job.
~ Tim Rath

No matter how many friends you have at work, a sucky job still sucks!  It just makes distracting yourself throughout the work day that much easier.
~ bighairmonkey

Christmas Party Elevator

Thursday, December 20th, 2012

“Get in the holiday spirit by decorating your cubicle!” announced the email.  Yea, I know… sounds like my kind of thing doesn’t it.  Unfortunately, that’s what everyone else thought too.  It’s a lot tougher to impress people when they drop that kind of expectation on you!  Google “over the top Christmas cubicle” or “extreme Christmas cubicle” and you’ll get PLENTY of ideas, images and examples of people that have done a much better job than me at this kind of thing.  So, how do we turn it up a notch, bighair monkey style?

We decorate the office elevator.

First, I had to clear it with Facilities, since mucking about with the elevator can get you in some serious trouble.  Enter Calvin – not only the guy with the authority to approve such a thing, but also with the keys to the elevator!  Calvin shows me the power outlet that lies behind the little locked door below the elevator buttons “in case you want to string up Christmas light”.  He also has access to the stereo that plays the elevator music, so we can play Engelbert Humperdinck and Pat Boone on continuous loop.

 

The elevator measure 8’x5’6”, so we have to build our own table – wide yet narrow so there is still room for occupants.  Handrails around the interior of the elevator give us support for attaching the table.

We Christmas wrap the table and suspend Christmas lights and other decorations from the ceiling, then load the table with cookies, munchies and Christmas punch.

With 10 floors in our office building, the judges are DEFINITELY going to be taking the elevator between floors during judging, and when they push the call button, our Christmas Elevator is waiting for them!

  

Who wouldn’t want to party in a Christmas elevator?

‘Cause every once in a while, it doesn’t have to happen all the time, but once in a while, something happens that is just so cool that you walk away from it, and you can’t believe that YOU DID THAT!
~ John Ward

That Awkward Moment

Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

cartoon mastodons and meetings that slowly leech the happiness from your soul

…when someone asks you a question in a meeting and you realise you have no idea what they asked because you were busy doodling mastodons…

You know… the normal stuff for a creative soul that’s deeply dissatisfied with a technical career.
 ~ Philip Zinn (Musician, Networking Monkey)

Favor Society

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

Dredd is a bartender at New York New York casino.  He usually works the night or graveyard shifts, starting work around 11pm and sometimes as late as 1am.  This works out pretty well since I can work through most of the day while he’s sleeping, and then we can muck about in the evening before he goes back to work.  It also means he seems to know just about everyone, and those he doesn’t know, share a friend of a friend of a friend who does know him.  There might be millions of tourists in Vegas each year, but the place is a lot smaller if you’re a local.

 There’s a HUGE “favor-society” in Las Vegas: bartenders comping drinks; doormen allowing priority access to a club or packed-out bar; house service tipping you in on the availability of extra desserts either left behind or available in unscrutinized abundance due to a convention or business faire being hosted at one of the gajillion casinos/hotels, and sometimes, rooms that are available for reduced prices due to one casino losing business to another for the aforementioned convention; on and on and on.  So sometimes, Dredd, in a conversation with some random, will comp a drink or two and in exchange receive a favour we can cash in at some other time.  Sometimes, one of his “regular friends” will drop him a tip or favour in exchange for future drink comps or a word from him to a doorman when one of the bars he’s working for the night is especially packed out.  It’s an interesting interplay to watch from the sidelines, especially since I benefit from the occasional free mini-cheesecake, chocolate mousse or club access.

Dredd loves Vegas.  He takes me down to “Old Vegas” and explains that Fremont Street is the location of the original casinos built in Vegas before “The Strip” took off with its large production themed casinos and tourist traps.  The four blocks of Fremont Street are covered with an arched, lighted canopy that allows for pedestrians to walk the street at any time, in any weather condition.  Giant flying fox lines run the length of the street: rides along the length, four stories above everyone else, available for a price.  Meanwhile, down below them, buskers, performers and kiosk sales do a bustling business at all hours of the night.  Regardless of the bright lights, much of the area shows its age, enticing gamblers with free drinks while playing slots that are “looser than your girlfriend!”  Since I don’t gamble or play slots, Dredd and I take advantage of the cheaply priced food and “free” street shows and spectacles that occur whenever large groups of people congregate.

Eventually, Dredd heads off to work and I crash for a few hours of sleep before waking for an early morning conference call, grateful no one requires the use of the webcam so they can’t see the dark circles under my eyes or the fact that I won’t shower or shave until sometime after lunch.  It gets me wondering why companies don’t see themselves more as “favor societies” – sure they’re paying their employees to do a job, but if that’s your only qualification, you can get anyone to do the job!  Shouldn’t it be a desire to get the BEST person for the job?  Not just based on experience, but in finding those people who are willing to trade the “favour” of a paycheque in exchange for the perks of working at a company that works with them?  What kind of productivity comes from working with employees to create an environment in which they want to work (motivated by more than money) or allowing them the option of working remotely?  While some companies still hold fervently to the concept of insisting their salaried employees come into the office to work every day, there are strong arguments for loosing the bands just a little and actually encouraging employees to TRULY manage their own time.  And with coffee shops and other places offering free wi-fi to draw THAT SPECIFIC CROWD, why not capitalise on it?!

Some will argue that the company has to pay to turn on the lights each day, regardless of whether or not employees show up, but the money saved by each computer that’s not drawing additional power adds up in savings surprisingly quick.  And the added incentive for employees to do well to continue to be allowed the “favour” of truly owning their own time results in happier, more productive, more creative employees and workplace savings.  Imagine the luxury for a parent who can get up, check email and statuses from home before helping to get kids out the door, able to drop kids at school if necessary, scheduling meetings around shopping, an afternoon nap or lunch with friends, and working around their schedule to be able to maximize personal and work time!  In some companies, this is called “standard”, but it’s not a luxury, it’s the result of a job that owns you.  But the work force of younger generations are steering away from this work model, and companies are going to need to work more closely with them to get newer, younger talent.  So why not put things in place now to benefit the older, experienced workforce as well and optimize the talent you’ve got while encouraging new employees who can benefit from the existing mentors?  Working for a company that doesn’t trust you to manage your own time to do the job for which you were hired does not result in long term happiness or job satisfaction.  One company I worked for went to the other extreme, insisting that their Sales team and Area Reps spend their time out with clients as much as possible, so instead of a cubicle (with photos and things they could personalize), they had generic “hot desks” that were setup with a phone and a laptop docking station for the occasion when Sales people were in the office, “encouraging” them to get back out in front of customers as quickly as possible  In my experience, it has been those companies that allow their employees to work their schedules within their week to best accomplish their job that get the best results – for example, as boring as my job gets at times, I can’t discard the ability to work remotely from Las Vegas while staying up to all hours of the night, and still being able to get my job done ‘cause I don’t have to make an appearance in the office!

…if you get the culture right, then most of the other stuff follows.
~ Tony Hsieh

Oh Green Bay…

Sunday, January 15th, 2012

Tebow’s exit along with his Denver Broncos from the NFL playoffs should have set us up for the extreme disappointment and heart break that was the Packers/Giants game.  But while the New England Patriots’ defensive line seemed to know every play the Bronco’s were planning prior to each snap (showing what a 1st ranked conference team should look like in a play-off game), Green Bay lost from what looked like… well… a bunch of dumb mistakes on their own part.  A terrible way to end the season. *sad sniffle*

Luckily, the Australian Open also started today, and with a first round MONSTER match win by top-seeded Aussie Bernie Tomic over Spain’s Fernando Verdasco (4-6 6-7 6-4 6-2 7-5 in 4hrs 11mins!), it looks like there should be plenty to keep me distracted from the NFL playoffs that have now lost their year-end lustre.  (Although… to their credit, both the Saints/49′ers game and the Houston/Baltimore games were battles worth watching, so if New England and New York continue to play the way did this weekend, we may have an awesome Super Bowl even if it is being played by two teams about which I care very little.  And speaking of horrible matchups – how would it feel to be Lleyton Hewitt facing a possible 2nd round confrontation with Andy Roddick??  What kind of lousy draw is that??!)

Low Sheep In A High Security Office

Friday, October 7th, 2011

You may recall that last year, I put sheep in McCrevis’ office for his birthday.
If you don’t recall, take a moment to re-read the post and start recalling…  I can wait…

In between last year and now, Ol’ Phil has moved office buildings, and his new cubicle is smack dab in the middle of a high security department.  While I usually don’t pay attention to the phrase “high security” (except in the cases when it refers to the lack of appearing for mandatory civil service), in this instance, it’s a phrase which means “a workplace wherein no monkeys without the proper security clearance are allowed to enter”.  Specifically – me.

This left me with much sadness and some slight anger as McCrevis’ birthday fast approached.

And THEN, in true McCrevis fashion, Phil throws bullchips on the agave-still fire and fans the flames of my ire with the following comment:  “If you could pull that one off,” he says, refering to gaining entrance to his spiffy new high security office building, “you’d be the King!”  And even though I’d never dream of ursurping the crown from Chad or Elvis, there’s just something about the complacent security of such a comment that pushes me towards testing the bounds of whether or not it’s as true as the speaker believes it to be!

What finally results (after a process that will not be revealed here in order to protect the not-so-innocent) is that I’m allowed entry as long as I promise “not to do anything to his desk or the area around it that will be noticeable from a distance or distract others from their daily work.”  Basically – I can come in and leave a note or something to let him know I gained access to his sanctum sanctorum and wish him a Happy Birthday as long as anyone who would be unhappy with my access doesn’t realise I was where I wasn’t supposed to be.

Deal!

I build a smaller version of the cardboard office sheep out of construction paper and reverse engineer it (pepakura without the software!) to come up with a paper pattern for mass producing them.  Yes – it would have been faster to just make a few of them rather than figure out a pattern for paper sheep, but it’s the journey, not the destination I’m told (of course, I think those that say such things have never been to a decent rollercoaster park or a really good party!).

 

The final result is a much smaller, low key version of last year’s birthday prank.  I am somewhat surprised to see how few “extras” adorn his new office as his last one was a great place for playing darts, golf or herding sheep, but that’s probably the sacrifice you run when you “upgrade” to a high security facility that does such a great job of keeping out the riff-raff and undesirables like me.

 

Hail to the king, baby!

Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
~ Michael Jordan

Cubicle Parthenon

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Chris had foot surgery which took him out of the office for a couple weeks.
Chris’ coworkers missed him.
They were very sad.
“Why don’t we wrap all his stuff in plastic wrap before he returns to show him how much he was missed?” they asked one another.  “That way, when he spends all that time unwrapping everything, he’ll realise how happy we are that he’s back!”
“It’s been done before.” said one coworker.
“And it takes too long!” said another.
They agreed that they didn’t miss him THAT much.

“We could just burn all his stuff into a giant, smoldering pile of ash in the middle of the office?” suggested Greg.

The rest of the team explained to Greg that although his suggestion was AWESOME and showed great imagination, it wasn’t likely that management would approve of such an activity, so “please remember that saying ‘No’ to your suggestion wasn’t our idea, and please don’t knife any of us after work as a result.”

Greg said he’d think about it, and then he proceeded to staple his tongue to the desk for fun.

“We could always build something based on Greek or Roman architecture as a wordplay on ‘pediments’ and his recent foot surgery?” said Monkey.
Someone threw a paperweight at Monkey’s head.

No one likes a nerd with a superiority complex.

“I think it thoundth cool…” said Greg.
As it turns out, Greg and Monkey had more free time than everyone else.

    

 

  

 

 

The difference between ‘ideas’ which we think of everyday and the occasional great idea, is that great ideas compel us to tell someone and take action… great ideas are dangerous for one reason: they change the status quo.  For many, status quo means doing what everyone else is…but what we all need to remember is that fitting-in means that you are boring…individuals that choose to ‘go with the flow’ and make no effort to be ‘remarkable,’ are replaceable.
 ~ Joseph Yi (entrepreneur, Director of Marketing for Viralogy)

Jello Mouse

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

Monkey: “Do you REALLY want me in the building on April Fool’s Day when you’re not going to be here to defend your office?”

Willis: “My office is locked…  You can’t get into it anyway.”

Challenge accepted…

The Sheep Whisperer

Thursday, October 7th, 2010

Last year, as McCrevis’ birthday approached, I tormented him with visions of filling his office with farm animals and raccoons in diapers wearing party hats.

He retaliated by lighting my car on fire.

As a result, the celebration of his birthday was lack lustre to say the least.

This year, I remained silent, leading him (I thought) to believe that I’d forgotten his birthday, and it would pass – quickly… quietly… and without notice; like flatulence from a worn out sphincter.  I laughed gleefully in anticipation as I built cardboard sheep to turn his office into a grazing yard.

He didn’t buy it for a second.

However, despite thinly veiled threats of bodily harm ala’ Dirty Harry, we successfully transformed his office into the warm, welcoming repository for docile-yet-psychotically-skittish farm animals that we’ve always known it to be.

There was much debate over whether or not to adorn his office floor with real grass clippings (to ensure the sheep were kept well fed throughout the night) or merely green painted cardboard.  The resulting decision was to cover green painted cardboard in real grass clippings while the paint was still wet which would be much easier to clean up later – always important to remember unless you really don’t give a flying stuff about the intended victim.  Since I’m still making payments on the car repairs from last year, I opted for “easy cleanup”.

   

To finish off the full effect, we burned sheep noises onto a CD and put it on repeat via his office stereo.

Happy Birthday Phil McCrevis, sheep whisperer!

…instead of being what I call a sheepwalker, somebody who’s half asleep, following instructions, keeping their head down, fitting in, every once in a while  someone stands up and says, “Not me!”
 ~ Seth Godin